Fantasy and reality About American Dream (Chapter1. Panic attack)

I am not sure this will be really the only way to escape from mind prison.
Every time I hesitated to write about my stories in English, but I did not think this writing will help release my tension.

I can't remember every single detail of my past life, but I will try to bring them up to introduce my stories to the public.

Most panic disorder seem to be not cured in a short time.
There were several complicated psychotherapies and medication therapy.
However, I might know a simple approach to those methods was not the way to meet real me.

I hope I find some great ways to solve panic attacks and panic disorder problems.
Because there are too many people who are suffered from these symptoms.

My very first time to meet foreigners was to know Mindy. At that time was right after transferring to nursing school and taking some lectures to cover up courses which are needed to go up to next year, which is the main course in nursing.
My thoughts were kept in a tiny room. I was the only person who is from an unfamiliar country, and also the international student.

I remember I always kept the word "international student" in my pocket like a name card to introduce myself. And at one moment, that became my identity in U.S. citizens.
They were entitled to every single situation.
They at least are welcome as half citizens in that country. 
That country has always been "That" country for me, and I feel like a guest even if I tried to hypnotize me as one of the proud components of the great kingdom of the United States of America.
 
I was curious how would it feel like being American.

Some people might say "you are a toadyist" who worship a strong country's value, and idea.

However, citizens in the U.S have pride in their country's name.

I hope I knew when and how the panic attack started to attack me.
However, I couldn't...

My entire memories are locked by body system.

And my only reason to survive in that major was to be a real American and to find love.

I had a fantasy about.. (next chapter..)